Thanksgiving

I was on a self imposed strike from blogging. ~If you are on twitter you are well aware of why!~ Anyway, the month is wrapping up and it's almost time to be off work, eating good food and resting and having fun with our families. For me that means "extended family." My genetic/birth family is far away, but that doesn't mean that we don't have family here. From the very first day I set foot in Charlotte, I've been blessed with people that immediately loved me and Tyler and treat us like family. Now I can't imagine how I haven't always known them.

The first Thanksgiving that we were here in 2007, we had two places to go for Thanksgiving dinner. We first had dinner with Pam and her daughter and we ate a ton! After that we went to my friend Nicole's house to have dinner with her family. I don't think I even had a chance to be homesick b/c they both showed us so much love. Last year we had dinner at my house and a few of my friends came over and ate and we watched movies all day.

This year, I purposed in my mind that we have been extremely blessed and we needed to be doing MORE. And giving MORE to others. Sometimes we don't realize the small things that make a difference in people's lives. I've written notecards to people who mean a lot to me. I allowed Tyler to give me some ideas on some people that he wanted to do special things for: carpool teacher, his classmates, the bus driver, his teacher and the person that cleans his classroom. I think throughout the month we have touched most of the people we wanted to let know that we are thankful.

The last thing we are doing for this season is going to a mission on Thanksgiving and assisting with their thanksgiving meals. Since he's so young we won't actually be serving food, but we'll be setting tables, folding napkins, etc. The mission sent out an email about our duties and wanted us to know they plan to treat the guests like VIP. They will not be eating off plastic, etc. they will be eating on fine china with glasses, etc. This makes me so happy!

I think I've briefly touched on that I have volunteered to partner up with a lady who suffers with a mental illness and be her support system. This is supposed to involve, doing activities together, being a listening ear and just being an advocate for her. I am finally going to get to meet her tomorrow for lunch and I'm excited. I think she was a little apprehensive about me over the phone until she found out I was a black woman like she is. But then she seemed excited! She asked me why I wanted to work with her and I told her about my mom's battle with mental illness and I think that made all the difference for her.

I used to be ashamed and wish for a "normal" life and family. And now I realize I got just what I needed and I'm truly thankful and wouldn't trade any of my experiences for anything. I think I've challenged you guys a couple times to do something for someone else. It doesn't take much to write a note card to your mailman or put a small gift card for him or her to get a coffee or lunch. How would you feel if you went through your whole life and nobody appreciated you?

Even though this month is up and my goal is met, I don't plan to stop giving to others just b/c the season is up. I'm going to have to think hard about what we will do for Christmas holidays. I have been asked by a couple individuals what I would like for Christmas. I remember the days when I could rattle off one hundred thigns that I wanted. Now I can't think of one thing.. I've truly been blessed. And that's one of my prayers, for me to be so blessed that I can be a blessing to others!

Fear

A couple days ago, I wrote about the Single's Ministry Seminar that I went to. I used a quote about evaluating yourself and part of that being honest enough to know if you are willing and ready to take the risk involved with relationships.

I'm sure that stuck out with some people b/c you started imagining your last heartbreak and thinking about how you felt, your tears, your emotions, etc. A couple of you didn't feel like you are ready or able to handle that risk at this time. Totally understandable.

How many of us went off to college in a new city? Virtually raise your hands! Ok, so when you were thinking about going to college in a new city, you could possibly be going solo. You'd been living with your parents for 17/18 years and then all of a sudden,you were in a new place on your own. Nobody was going to wake you up everyday. Nobody was going to hold your hand and wipe your tears when you fall off your bike. Of all the "bad" things that could happen to a kid going off to school in a new city, did you concentrate more on the things that scared you and could hurt you OR did you think more about the excitement? The new people, the new city, the new apt/dorm, the new friends and all that you would learn in classrooms to prepare you for a career and being an adult.

If you are like me, you probably didn't give too much thought to the bad things. You were excited and anticipated all the great things about this new stage in your life. So I guess I'm wondering how we are able to go after things we want in life knowing the risks involved, yet love is one of the areas where we just don't have the nerve?

If you decided you wanted a condo, you'd prepare, do your research and get yourself to a point where you are shopping for condos. At any point, you could lose your job, you could get sick and you'd not be able to buy a condo. Or if you did buy the condo, you could still face all these same problems. DO you sit in your apt for the rest of your life being fearful of all the bad things that could happen or do you say "I'm gonna prepare as best I can and I'm gonna trust God that I can handle this condo." So why don't we do the same with love?

I've had plenty of disappointments in the love dept. but some of the heartbreaks are more memorable to me than others. Those are the ones where I probably felt more deeply about the person. For instance, me and my Ex in Baton Rouge broke up in the summer of 2005. It's now 2009 (four years later). Slowly, we've been able to establish a semi friendship. I think he probably hurt me more than anyone else I've dated. And yet guess what? I'm still alive!

I think I told you guys that he recently had a child. I've talk to him about his daughter numerous times and yet last month sometime he sent me some photos of his daughter and for some reason that really tore me up. At a time when I should be totally over my feelings looking at that child really brought on some tears and feelings that i didn't know were there.

But does what he did to my heart back then stop me from getting myself out there to find someone who will treat me as I should be treated? Uh no! I survived right? Nothing has killed me yet and I don't think a relationship will. So, for those of you who said you weren't ready to accept hte potential risk, what makes it easy for you to accept the risks of other areas of your life, but not love? Especially when the "prize" or "reward" would be worth more to you than the other things you go after in life.

Live with the End in Mind

I was reading a book last night and one chapter was talking about beginning with the end in mind. When I read that I was mentally rolling my eyes - thinking "what in the world." Then he asked to envision ourselves at the funeral of a loved one. Think about all the people that we love who are there to pay our respects. Think about the lighting, flowers and soft music. And then picture that instead of this being a loved ones funeral, it's your own. Now look at the program. There are several people that will speak about you and your life. A family member, mate, best friend, community/church/co-worker? Now what would you want them to say about you?

Sometimes I read exercises in books and I think "What in the world?" but then I do it anyway. I didn't have the time to write down my thoughts, but I was going over them in my mind. So I'll just write what I thought here.
Family Member - Tyler
I don't know that Tyler would be able to say anything given he'd be losing his mom, but if he was sayign something, I'd want him to talk about his memories of me raising him and how we were like two peas in a pod. I would want him to recall how I tried to teach him the skills he would need in life to be able to take care of himself as a man. I'd want him to reflect on how I imparted values in him of the importance of having a personal relationship with God as well as always taking time to talk to him. I'd want him to reflect on his memories even as a small child how he witnessed me showing compassion and teaching him to give to not only less fortunate people, but his fellow man. I'd want him to remember how I tried to give him the life experiences - traveling, culture, etc. so that when he's an adult, his life is full. The main and most important thing I'd want him to say is that I knew he was destined to be a great man and I did everything in my power to nurture that and encourage him to know no boundaries in life.

Friend -
I'm not sure what friend would speak, but I have several close girl friends from childhood on up to ones I've made as an adult. I would want them to reflect on our friendship and how we might have had ups and downs, but no matter what was ever going on or where we were, they could always count on me. If they needed someone to vent in frustration, they'd call me. If they wanted to share their promotion or their kid's award, they'd call me. If they were ever sick and needed anything, they'd be able to call me. I'd basically want them to think of me as having been that one rock (outside of their matea nd family of course) who they could always count on.

Community/Church/Co-worker
I would want them to say that in evertyhing I did at work, church, community, etc. I did with dignity and respect. When I said I would take on a task, I kept my word. When projects seemed overwhelming, I rolled up my sleeves and pitched in. Whenever they reflect on me, Id' want them to say I was always cheerful and always wore a smile. I'd want them to remember me as someone who may not have all the answers, but was honest and conscientious with the things I did. Whenever they were down and talked to me, I'd want them to feel like I cared about their interest and wellbeing and was always availble for them to bounce ideas off. I'd want them to remember conversations we had during rough personal times and times when they needed encouragement. I'd want them to remember me bringing joy and being a joy to be around. I'd want there to be someone who could say "S23 spoke to me about this or that and she really helped me get the courage up to do X or Y."

At such a young age, it's hard to think of the end and a funeral. But if that's what it takes for you to realize what your idea of a successful life is, then why not? My mom died when I was 19. She had lots of hopes and dreams for me. She always expected the best of me. When I made all As and one B, she didn't say "Oh that's great, look at those As." No, she said "What happened with that B?" She did get the chance to see me go to college and she saw me doing well the first year of school. But there's so many things that have happened since that she couldn't be apart of. When I think about her, even though that was 12 yrs ago that she was still around, I can still remember things that hapepned when I was 5 or 8 or whatever. The bottom line is don't wait to create memories and live as you would want to be remembered b/c you never know when the end will be here. Tyler's only 7, but if I left today, he'd have so many memories and stories in his heart that nobody could ever tell him anything about his momma.

You don't really have to answer, but I guess you could ask yourself, what would you want people to say about you? And are you living the life you'd want to remembered for?

PS. After I did the exercise, it was interesting to me that none of what I wanted said about me had anything to do with material possessions. It didn't matter what house I had, what car I drove, etc. None of it!